I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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