Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
