I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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