OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think i have two assholes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
