I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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