i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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