Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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