About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
