That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
