I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
