I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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