ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
