dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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