eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
