I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
