Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
