I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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