Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
