I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
