I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Randomize
