I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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