he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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