oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
