I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
