so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The best revenge is premature balding
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
