Got a toothbrush?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
