The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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