"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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