I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
