i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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