i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
