I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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