I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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