She's JV to your varsity
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
