Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
