you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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