pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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