Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
id be glad to
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
