i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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