he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
