We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
