I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
bring money and cleavage
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
