i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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