so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
two words: eviction party
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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