Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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