ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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