it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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