the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
