I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's like iHOP with fire
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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