Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
