I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
