Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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