That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if only i could text you this smell
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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