so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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