he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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