he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
