i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
