How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize