i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
