Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
