She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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