I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
