when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
