Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
