I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
