the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
