I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
