i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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