i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
